Emotional Growing Pains

Emotional Growing Pains

I’m lucky I never felt physical growing pains as a teenager but one of my best girlfriends did.

Her long legs would ache as they grew into her 5’11” gorgeous body. Her mom would take her to the doctor and he would simply assure them ‘its just good ole fashion growing pains.’

Many of us don’t realize that emotional pain often works in a similar way to physical growing pains. It’s not intended to cause us suffering (although for most of us it does); it is meant to make us grow.

The trouble is, if we fight against emotional pain by numbing it, avoiding it, or trying to escape it, in whatever way we’ve learned how, it begins to implode on us rather than guiding us into a more empowered, happier, lighter, version of ourselves.

Emotional growing pains are inevitable; the secret is learning how not to suffer through these painful times.

This past summer has been a time of intense emotional growth for me. The growing pains were impossible to deny. But rather than pretending I was feeling different emotions than I was — happier emotions — my quest became to accept what was happening.

I discovered suffering comes from not allowing ‘what is’ to surface. Instead of forcing myself to feel happy, I began to ask myself this question each morning:

If I didn’t have to worry what anyone thought of me (if it didn’t make me a bad person, mother, daughter, friend, wife, partner, lover, in-law, boss, whatever), what am I feeling? What emotions are under the surface that I’m trying to suppress or avoid? What is trying to get out and be heard?

Whatever needed to come up and out, I allowed. And then, I would thank the feeling!


“Thank you for my anger. Thank you for my fear. Thank you for this overwhelming frustration!” And so on…

This simple act of thanking my situation and emotions rather than resisting them created a new level of self-love and self-acceptance.

I am certain my “self-acceptance” wasn’t easy for my husband at times… >>>

Me trying to “be with what was happening” rather than trying to “fix it” … fix me … fix the feeling … fix the pain <<< and yet, I would not allow myself to pretend to be anything other than what I was. I couldn’t fake it. I wouldn’t fake it. Besides I wasn’t in pain all summer! I had tons of amazing times. But I did assure my husband (whenever I’d get into what I call a “funk”): “I am working through it. This is part of my emotional growth and it has nothing to do with you.”

Today, I have a new level of self-love based on self-acceptance rather than self-improvement.

If you are ready to heal your heart and step higher into the person you are really meant to be, join me today during our weekly “Chat with Crystal – Empowered Coaching Conversations!” I would love to support your emotional growth!

You can call me directly and get coached at no charge or be a fly on the wall and listen as I work with someone else. RSVP here!

The great news is that you, too, don’t have to be ashamed of where you’re at or what you’re feeling. In fact, there is no shame: It’s the starting point! It’s exactly where you need to be to grow, love, and accept yourself.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you leave a message, I’ll be sure to respond!

Huge Love,


P.S. Register here for Chat with Crystal – Empowered Coaching Conversations!

P.S.S. We are LIVE today, Tuesday, at 10am PT / 1pm ET / 6pm GMT. And then join us AFTER THE CALL for some amazing posts on our private Facebook page!


    Crystal is the founder and CEO of The S.W.A.T. Institute. Her personal story is the perfect backdrop to become a voice for the next era of the women’s movement. Crystal has overcome insurmountable odds to create a life of joy and purpose. From a tough beginning—her parents turbulent divorce at age 12, a stranger rape at 14, extended sexual abuse from a family friend, moving out at 15, battling the early stages of cervical cancer at only 17, suffering a traumatic head injury at age 20 that left her to deal with unannounced seizures, marrying young and gaining over 80 pounds in her pregnancies, then struggling through a difficult divorce and near bankruptcy before becoming a single mother to two beautiful girls (one who nearly lost her own life in 2010)—Crystal has dedicated her life to helping women transcend their victimhood, martyrdom, self-limiting beliefs, fears, and patterns.
    • That question is one near and dear to me because you asked it of your students in your 12 Week Total Transormation Telecourse.

      When I answered it for myself I found that it gave me permission to really think about what I really WANT and DESIRE regardless of anyone/anything else.

      And with that it opened my eyes to the fact that although my life isn’t completely on point yet…

      Not only can I see that I am moving towards the direction of what I truly want and desire but also I am healing the different aspects of my life which is allowing me to receive them when they show up.

      • yes Shelly… absolutely: this question: “If I didn’t have to worry what anyone thought of me (if it didn’t make me a bad person, mother, daughter, friend, wife, partner, lover, in-law, boss, whatever), what am I feeling? What emotions are under the surface that I’m trying to suppress or avoid? What is trying to get out and be heard?”

        It really does help us free up the buried emotions and held-onto suffering. thank you for sharing <3

    • Ebony Proudtobe-me Davis-Marti

      Wow! Just Wow!!! I was just watching extreme weight loss and I cried as the woman, Mitzi, revealed her new self and how this past year has been for her and more than just the weight loss. And of course, I cried! But what many people don’t know (because I have to be the one who stays strong and takes care of mostly things) is that when I cry as I empathize with others, I’m actually holding back the real tears!!!

      Most often, I don’t even understand why! I’ve done a LOT of processing my own emotional struggles that I’ve survived from childhood and I’ve also been through counseling to make sure that I’ve worked through any residual concerns before I help others and then I came to learn about SWAT but after reading this article today, it makes perfect sense!!! I’ve been holding back emotions for so long that I feel completely overwhelmed when empathizing with others but even then I STILL hold back the emotions!!! But I am relieved in reading this, to learn that I should be allowing the emotions to be what they are and not hold back for “fear” of what my spouse or anyone else will think! This realization is monumental to me. To coin my favorite phrase, “it’s so simple, yet so profound!!!”

      I’m so humbly grateful to have found the SWAT Institute!!! I had an excellent conversation earlier with Marta today whose on your staff and part of the sisterhood. I was already excited about starting the 12-week telecourse soon, but I am all the more excited after reading this article!!! I’m looking forward to great things as I join SWAT in a couple of weeks!!! I truly appreciate all that you do and the gift and vison which has been made manifest in SWAT!!!