We need to build bridges, not walls

We need to build bridges, not walls

I recently saw a social media post that read:

Thinking of your child as behaving badly disposes you to think of punishment. Thinking of your child as struggling to handle something difficult encourages you to help them through their distress.

When someone behaves ‘badly’ (the key word here ‘badly’), you’ve made a judgment about them and the way they are expressing themselves.

They are bad. Bad child. Bad person. Bad behaviour.

Right now, all over the world, we see people behaving badly. We disagree with the way they are expressing themselves. We don’t like how they are communicating; trying to get their needs met. It’s inappropriate. Maybe even abusive.

The question is what do we do about it? Should we

  • Ostracize or avoid?
  • Judge, punish or scold?
  • Wait for them to get healthier?
  • Try to understand their struggle?
  • Encourage them to find a healthier, more appropriate way to communicate with us?
  • Change the way we are communicating with them?

Here’s the thing: If the relationship doesn’t matter much, you may decide to leave them; avoid and Stonewall. The outcome of this style of communication is guaranteed: You will not find peace. Period. You have built a wall. You against them. Conversation ended. Over and out.

Judging and arguing will not help either of you, either. What you defend against, you create. What you resist, persists. And all those fabulous Jungian catch-phrases. What you fear, you draw near. And so forth. And yes, I’ve been in this assertive, righteous place many many times with the people in my life. “Don’t you understand what I’m trying to teach you??? What is wrong with you??? How can you not see it my way???”

The reality is, I’m not just talking about your husband, child, parent, or neighbor here. I’m talking politics too.

I’m talking about life. Relationships. Living together. Loving each other. Getting along. Being ‘one people’ under God.

We need to build bridges, not walls with each other. 

But what if ‘they’ are afraid of your bridge? They see it as another manipulative way to get over the wall they built? What if they see you as attacking them? They believe they need their wall and you want to build a damn bridge over it. Uh-uh. No way. Get back.

What do you do then?

You learn to communicate better. Clearer. Higher. More inclusive. More reasonable. Calmer. Smarter. Expansive. You change the way you are showing up.

bridgeLike it or not, if you aren’t ‘winning’ in your life, you need to change the way YOU are communicating. You may think your way is the right way, but if you aren’t being heard, seen, listened to, respected, only you can change your way. You have to learn how they are communicating and talk a language they understand.

We need to find common ground as our starting point.

If you feel like you are surrounded by people with walls—fear, anger, judgment—behaving badly, I want to help you to learn how to build bridges with the people in your life, in your community, and in your world.

Love can build a bridge. And I’m not talking about ‘gooey-ooey, woo woo’ love. I’m talking strength, intelligence, empathy, wisdom, compassion, reason, leadership, power. Let me show you how.

Join me TONIGHT for an amazing live ZOOM WEBINAR with my friend and publishing expert, Jackie Brown.


The Best Way to Fight is to Write!

Monday, November 21st

4:30 pm PT / 7:30 pm ET

***no charge***


Before you can lower your walls or build a bridge, you need to learn how to share your truths, stories, and experiences in a way that you will be heard. Seen. Respected.

Let us show you how! You will need to register to join in. Click here now!







P.S. The Best Way to Fight is to Write… TONIGHT with Jackie Brown and myself … Click here to register

Crystal is the founder and CEO of The S.W.A.T. Institute. Her personal story is the perfect backdrop to become a voice for the next era of the women’s movement. Crystal has overcome insurmountable odds to create a life of joy and purpose. From a tough beginning—her parents turbulent divorce at age 12, a stranger rape at 14, extended sexual abuse from a family friend, moving out at 15, battling the early stages of cervical cancer at only 17, suffering a traumatic head injury at age 20 that left her to deal with unannounced seizures, marrying young and gaining over 80 pounds in her pregnancies, then struggling through a difficult divorce and near bankruptcy before becoming a single mother to two beautiful girls (one who nearly lost her own life in 2010)—Crystal has dedicated her life to helping women transcend their victimhood, martyrdom, self-limiting beliefs, fears, and patterns.