Praise for The 12-Week Total Transformation TeleCourse:
Get the Emotional Edge!
“From the time I was a little girl, my mother was grooming me for motherhood. Teaching me how to cook and clean, and take care of a household. What I didn’t realize, she was teaching me how to put everyone’s needs and desires before mine. When she died, I was 16 years old and I assumed her role as ‘mother’ to my father and older brothers. I took on her Mother Energy and made it my own. I’ve carried that Mother Energy into all aspects of my life . . . still with my family but also in my career, friendships, and relationships. Through Crystal’s teachings, I not only learned that you don’t have to be an actual ‘mother’ to live in that energy, but how to move beyond that Mother Energy and step into my empowered Woman Energy.”
~ Debra Zitney
“My journey with Crystal Andrus began when I was seeking answers for my anger. Life was pretty good on the outside but I couldn’t understand the battle raging within me. It felt as if I had two sides: wise and angry.
I had everything a woman could ask for from a husband who treated me well to two beautiful children, a lovely house and a good job. In spite of all of this, I wasn’t happy. I was taken over by angry spells that would leave me feeling scared, confused, and frustrated. After these explosions I would ask myself, “Who is she? Why is she so angry?”
Crystal’s work helped me discover who she was. I realized she was my wounded fifteen-year-old: my Daughter Energy. She was The Victim yearning for attention and love. I began to understand where she came from and why she was so angry:
My teenage years were very painful. When I was fifteen, I became aware of an ugly truth about my birth in India. My mother was posed a question as the doula (the mid-wife) held me in her arms: “It’s a girl. Do you want to kill her?”
Although my mother decided to keep me, it was when I was fifteen that I heard her telling a family member that she regretted her decision. This devastated me to the point I wished I were never born! I was ashamed of being alive. The only way I knew how to deal with these feelings was to tuck them away and never talk about them again. I learned to suppress my dreams and desires. I learned to be a “good woman”—subservient and silent.
At seventeen years old, I reluctantly agreed to an arranged marriage with a man ten years older than me. What did I know about marriage or men?
Within no time, I felt suffocated, depressed, lonely, and suicidal. Devastated, I realized I had sold my soul for the approval of my family and the society.
And that is when something within me woke up! I had had enough! I had heard enough! I had accepted enough! And it was time to speak up! I was angry!
I left my marriage and channeled my anger into jet fuel to train for the Police Academy! No one was going to mess with me ever again. I needed to protect myself from this oppression and from the suppression of all women. I became The Warrior! I became a Police Officer!
As life went on I met my (now) husband—my Light Protector. We were married and had two beautiful daughters. Life was great and yet, I was still so angry.
That’s when I found Crystal and The S.W.A.T. Institute.
During a coaching call Crystal told me, “Stop being a martyr.”
It felt like a slap on the face – a slap that woke me up. I was in DENIAL: “Didn’t Even Notice I Am Lost” as Crystal would put it.
I learned that in my yearning for love and acceptance over the years, my Parent Sub-Archetypes—The Martyr Mother and The Stepford Wife—became dominant, while The Victim hid shamefully in submission. Serving others made me feel more worthy. So I did everything to perfection. There was no room for mistakes. I exceeded at work. I was a career woman while being the perfect mother, wife, and housemaid. My “to do” list consumed my life. I gave to the point of burnout. Sure, I had dreams and desires but I didn’t have enough hours in the day to get to them. After all, I was only a woman – my needs didn’t matter. I was feeling completely depleted and exhausted. No wonder I was angry!
With Crystal’s work and all that I learned at The S.W.A.T. Institute, I was able to recognize the battle that was going on within me—the battle between my Daughter Energy and Mother Energy. For the first time I connected with my wounded fifteen-year-old, The Victim. I held her in my arms and released all the emotions that were buried for years. I embraced all the broken parts of her that I was ashamed of and had denied for years.
The integration of my Parent and Child Archetypes served me in finding inner peace and harmony. There was nothing more empowering than learning to forgive, accept, and love myself. I also realized that my mother is a brave woman, who did her best from what her society taught her and the awareness she had. I am no longer angry. I am no longer ashamed of The Victim or The Martyr. I understand that forgiveness and compassion is the key – not anger. They are a part of me but they no longer run the show.
As I transcend from my story, I feel inspired to share it for my ultimate liberation and for liberating others. Secrets do make us sick. This transformation has ignited my passion and purpose. I recently left my corporate career to become a certified empowerment coach, speaker, and writer. I am living my dreams now!
Thank you, my dear mentor Crystal, for guiding me into my greatness. I am forever grateful for your light, presence, and your authentic guidance. Crystal, you are The Goddess! My inner light salutes your inner light!”
~ Binu Alag, London, Canada
“This I know for sure: If you don’t know who you are, people will tell you who you should be . . . and you’ll believe them. This is precisely what happened to me.
I was a happy five-year-old when, in a matter of hours, my life changed drastically; happiness was replaced by deep sorrow. I can still see my mom walking into our apartment, sobbing: “Children, you don’t have a father anymore!”
My brother, seven-years-old at the time, began to cry. I did not. I think I was in shock, unable to accept it. Yet, three days later, there he was in a coffin: handsome, peaceful, and so still. This was the day it became official: I was a “half-orphan”.
Yes, “half-orphan” was a label my Polish culture used to describe someone like me: a child with only one living parent. At five, six, and seven years of age, all I heard was “Oh, she’s a poor, fatherless child; what a hard life she’ll have; sad existence without a dad; poor little girl—half orphan.” The feeling of pity was palpable.
I do not recall when I stopped hearing that awful label but I vividly remember when I realized that I was fully living it: Half a child, half a woman, half a life.
When I lost a well-paying job that I’d liked, I thought it was the worst thing that could happen. It wasn’t! Much more was on its way . . .
Only a few months later, I lost the ability to walk due to severe back pain from a car crash. Then, I lost my only source of income. And then the clincher: In my craziness and total emotional devastation I ended the best relationship I’d ever known. I was alone, broke, and broken.
I was a half-orphan!
“You’re resonating in Daughter Energy.” I heard Crystal say: “You have a wounded little girl inside of you who is running the show.”
I was already familiar with the concept of a “wounded inner child” but the idea that I had embodied a Dominant Emotional Archetype—specifically, The Helpless Child—took my understanding of my life and myself to another whole level.
Almost instantly, I could see the truth: the entire picture I held in my mind of who I was and who I could be. I could see how I had believed what people had said about me, and for the first time, I realized the power I had given to this label.
As I look back, all my losses—from my job, my health, and my man—reflected (actually, screamed) this wounded inner dialog back at me. I could literally hear my mind repeating: “I am a victim! People do take advantage of me! Life is not fair! I’m so hard-done-by! I’m not good enough for people to care about me!”
I realized I had been resonating in shame and victimhood for so much of my life that I didn’t even see it—even though it was boldly blaring at me! My life was showing me exactly where I resonated: A five-year-old, broken, confused, orphaned child.
I finally understood why I had always sabotaged all the really good things that had come into my life. It was because I could not receive them! Since I wasn’t one hundred percent whole, I never allowed myself to receive anymore than “half” of anyone or anything. As a “half-orphan” I thought I was only half-as-worthy!
What I needed was a safe space to gradually, gently, and with curiosity, peel back the protective layers to become the Real Me. Today, I am blessed to say my body is healing, I’m walking with purpose, my career has blossomed doing something that I love, and I am living a fulfilling life! How wonderful that in the darkest days of my life I found the brightest Light! Thank you, Crystal – keep shining!”
~ Marta Stanczyk, Winnipeg, Canada
“My 8-year-old is the epitome of “Daughter Energy” (yes, I know she’s just a child); her flare for dramatics, swinging between The Whiner and The Helpless Child to The Warrior and The Princess, both frustrated and exhausted me.
During my own healing journey it hit me; she acted this way because I had been so stuck in “Mother Energy”. Because I responded most quickly to her when it seemed as thought she needed help, I taught her that the best way to get attention was to be helpless and needy. What a wakeup call.
The only way I knew how to help my beautiful girl was for me to learn to remain grounded on my own Woman Energy. I had to become less reactive and more responsive. As I continued to heal me, I could more clearly see how the martyrdom and people pleasing personas did not serve my loved ones or myself. It actually intensified their unhealthy ways of being, creating more strife and discord in our own home.
As I embraced my own Woman Energy, I began to make sure I got my own needs met. As I learned about Mother Energy and Daughter Energy, the more I realized I vacillated between the two, especially in those times of heightened stress. Owning all that was like eating every slice in a humble pie. As learned to make self-care a top priority (to help me live more consistently in Woman Energy), the energy in our home shifted.
I now embrace that self-care is not selfish. It is a gift to me . . . and all those I love. The ripple effect of loving yourself is one the most important gifts we can give our children.
The clearer and stronger I become, the less dramatic my daughter becomes most days. In turn our home is a happier place to be for everyone. I am thankful that my eight-year-old teacher will have learned new ways of being in this process at a much younger age than I did. For that I am so grateful.
Thanks Crystal Andrus for your insights and love through your writing and teachings. It has been one of the keys that have helped me unlock my heart. It feels so good to stand in an empowered, loving, and more joyful place and have a more peaceful loving home.”
~ Kat Moulton, Boston, USA
“My life used to be a series of stumbling blocks with no direction. After learning about Emotional Age and the three Dominant Emotional Archetypes, I quickly uncovered the reasons my life was so hard.
It was difficult at first to shine truth on my wounded archetypes, especially The Hoarder. I love animals and will always have some but I had to see how my Daughter Energy had created such an exhausting way of living. At one point I had dogs, cats, horses, cows, and pigs, although I didn’t own a farm. I didn’t have the space for them. I didn’t have the money to take care of them. In fact, I drained all my resources on them. My life was a mess. My home was a mess. My heart was a mess. My money was a mess. Even my damn car was a mess. At one point, I took the back seat out of my car so that my 200-pound pig could travel around with me. I had lost touch with reality. I buried myself in animals.
In hindsight, I see that I had a strained relationship with my own daughter and I could barely take care of myself. And yet, here I was trying to be Mother Earth to all these creatures. Animals, you see, don’t argue back. They agree with whatever you do. They never question you. They take whatever you give and give back everything they have. Relationships with animals were much safer than with people.
My other dominant wounded archetype was The Tomboy. I despised being a woman. In fact, I did everything possible to not be feminine. I worked heavy machine equipment, smoked cigarettes, drank whiskey, and had tattoos before tattoos were trendy. I lived in a unionized mini-city of 3,600 heavy machine operators called Ft. McMurray. Surrounded by thousands of “boy’s boys”, I felt powerful. I could keep up with the best of them. And yet, I felt so empty. My body was screaming. One health scare after another finally culminated with a full hysterectomy by the time I was forty-one.
I resisted my Woman Energy to point that my own body rejected my ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, and cervix—everything that supposedly made me a woman.
It’s hard to believe that only two years later, I’d be sharing my story with you.
With Crystal’s help, I learned that my Daughter Energy was not the enemy. She had been my protection, creating drama until I felt safe enough to be The Woman. I didn’t know how to be The Parent and so I stayed as The Child.
Now that I understand all this, I have so much love for myself. Love beyond words.
My deepest desire now is to be the greatest me possible. By embracing my Woman Energy, I live with grace. I have ended toxic relationships. I have released fifty pounds. I have overcome illnesses and health issues. I make decisions easily now and the manifestations that are happening are magnificent. Plus, I still have animals in my life but it’s balanced and healthy now.
I was so angry being a woman.
I fought it every day.
But that has all changed . . .
Having the courage to face myself has empowered me to live without limits. I now have a belief in myself that is unstoppable! I actually have tears of joy at this moment, knowing that living on The Emotional Edge is the greatest gift I have ever given myself.
“I, Jaci Pozdzik, was born for greatness and to be the greatest expression of love!”
I love you, Crystal, my blonde siSTAR!”
~ Jaci Pozdzik, Alberta, Canada
“Stop being a martyr,” Crystal lovingly said to me during one of our power coaching calls.
I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard.
Me? A martyr?
Crystal patiently waited—without bailing me out of my denial.
I knew her words were truth. I felt it. It was time I faced my fear and how I had created this power-struggle within my five-year marriage.
Instant passion drew Shane and I together. At first, we were insatiable. We launched a new business right away; our first daughter was born just under a year later, and our second daughter a year after that. And somehow, through all of it, I lost touch with myself. I felt like I was merely surviving. I was exhausted. I needed more.
Shane worked all the time and the girls demanded so much of my attention. I don’t know how it happened or when exactly, but suddenly all the things I used to love about him drove me completely crazy. Nothing was ever good enough.
Being The Martyr Mother was my worst fear. I had witnessed my Martyr Mother growing up. I never wanted to recreate that persona, but on some level it felt like the safest way to get my needs met. (Otherwise why would I have designed my life this way?)
I had been ready to leave my husband. I had already picked out a little place for me and my girls and financial arrangements had been drafted between us.
What Crystal showed me was how leaving my marriage from a place of anger, resentment and dare I say, victimhood would have been devastating not only for me but for Shane and our children.
Leaving him, especially in this way, was not an empowered decision. I had swung from Mother Energy all the way over to Daughter Energy.
What happened was truly a miracle . . .
I applied all of Crystal’s suggestions and within seven days I felt hope again. Shane had no idea what was happening but we both blossomed free from my constant judgment and neediness.
To this day, we have never again had one of those dreaded ‘relationship talks’. I focus on being my best self, meeting my own needs, having personal goals (not just family goals) and very importantly, I’m having fun!
I don’t know if Shane and I will be together forever. Who really does? What I do know is that I have rescued myself. I have given me permission to please myself, while doing my very best to please the ones I love the most! I now honor my ability to take care of my kids and myself always.
The pressure is off my husband or any man for that matter! I hadn’t been aware how manipulative I had been. But as Crystal says, “Once you know, you know”.
~ Sacha Sterling, California, USA
I’m seated across from my therapist finally ready to get serious with my life. I had just ended a turbulent relationship that excavated my past and left me emotionally depleted.
I give my therapist a quizzical look.
“It’s a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessive caretaking ways. It also involves putting your needs aside while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”
That sounds vaguely familiar…
Then I grasp the full meaning.
I reenacted the exact dynamics my parents had in their relationship.
I too resonated in Mother Energy—sacrificed my needs and waited for my now ex-boyfriend to commit to me. All the while playing the role of The Rescuer / The Savior.
And the longer I waited, the more aggressive I became. Soon I’d swung into Daughter Energy: The Drama Queen to get my needs met and The Victim—a role that my own mother played all too well—one that I had vowed never to be like.
As I confronted my pain in my therapy sessions, journal, and writing my memoir, I “thought” I had it all figured out.
I concluded that my negative thought patterns and focusing on what I didn’t want created my reality that was filled with drama, problems and emotional turmoil.
Yet I still attracted emotionally unavailable men!
Though I tried to stop repeating the same ole pattern.
I didn’t know how…
Then I discovered Crystal’s teachings and learned about the Emotional Age, and everything made sense! I had a wounded girl in me who resonated in Daughter Energy who was running my life because she was dying to be heard.
Because I denied this aspect of myself (downright rejected her), I was unequipped to deal with my emotions—I would binge eat, create drama, go on shopping sprees, distract myself in whatever ways possible and fall into frequent bouts of depression.
The more I integrated the parts of myself that I had denied, the more I learned to understand myself, listen to myself, be kind to myself and most importantly, love myself!
As I resonated in my Woman Energy, my entire life transformed. I was healed—mysteriously my bipolar depression dissolved, the anxiety that used to consume me diminished, I no longer have cravings, and I stopped binge eating.
I also do not experience any aches or pains, anymore! I feel whole and I finally found my one true love: It was me all along!
I now have healthy, loving, and supportive relationships.
The name Andrea means Womanly and I proudly embody my name.
Thank you Crystal, The Emotional Edge was exactly what I needed to become an empowered woman. It’s an amazing feeling, living without limits filled with love, peace and joy.
With love and gratitude,
~ Andrea Lewis, Ottawa, Canada
“Life was an uphill battle but I thought living like that was normal because I had done it ever since I could remember. Without going into all the details, I will go back to the day my light bulb came back on:
It was the end of July 2011, I was on the phone with a colleague and I distinctly remember saying something that would change the course of my life.
I mumbled the words, “I think I might be in the wrong business because I do not like people.”
Almost immediately after I thought to myself, “I don’t like people, who said that?”
It was at that moment I realized it wasn’t the real me who mumbled those words. It was the other me. The only problem; who was that other me and more importantly, where the hell was the REAL ME? I mean I knew she existed because once in a while I could hear her faint voice buried beneath my life’s rubble.
Fast forward to January 2012, a friend pointed me to the work of Crystal Andrus. I had never heard of Crystal before but I was so tired of the battle, I was open to anyone or anything that could help me because at that point I was exhausted. Not only I was overweight due to excess eating and drinking but also, from the outside my marriage looked normal but it was shaky at best, I was working in a profession that I no longer loved and was I was sick of pretending that everything was okay because inside I knew it wasn’t.
So I submerged myself in Crystal’s work because for the first time in my life I understood why there were different versions of me. I was introduced to the concept of the Emotional Age during her 12 Week Total Transformation Telecourse. So many things about my life were becoming clear. No wonder it had been an uphill battle. My brilliant mind hid the real me away in The Warrior, The Tomboy, The Martyr Mother, The Domineering Matriarch, Superwoman, and many more of The Emotional Edge archetypes during and after the years of growing up in a home with severe emotional abuse.
Of course there are many twists and turns to my story because uncovering the real me is a process but at least the uphill battle is over. I’ve learned to embrace all the other parts of me because they helped make me feel safe when my life was a war.
In closing, I will share that I no longer eat or drink excessively, my marriage is on the mend, I am living with purpose and passion plus the façade has faded away. The woman who I am, the real me, is revealing herself more and more to me every day. (See my picture)
I want to thank you Crystal Andrus for not only leading by example but also helping me to shift my life and uncover my gold, which by the way, has had the most amazing trickle-down effect on those closest and most important to me, my husband, and three incredible children.”
~ Shelly Allen, Arizona, USA